For those of you whose lives are interesting enough not to have kept abreast of my doggy trials, we recently lost our prized cable box remote. We arrived home from a baseball game a few weeks ago to discover only one recognizable fragment remaining of our precious device (batteries were never recovered). The next afternoon I promptly called Comcast to arrange a replacement. Since we live in the bustling metropolis of Delphi, I was informed that I had two options: I could travel to Peru, Monticello, or Logansport to pick up a new remote, or I could have one sent to me. Since I am unfamiliar with any of the aforementioned towns, I elected the latter option. Well, about ten days passed, and still no remote had arrived. I stationed myself on porch and prepared to make second call to Comcast (I would much rather be subjected to water-boarding). At this point I was pleasantly reassured that due to the mailing difficulties, my order may have been delayed, and I should be expecting remote to arrive any day. One more week passes…I have grown weary of squatting in front of box (I know I am sounding horribly bourgeois here given that people in Haiti subsist on tinned peaches for weeks at a time, but hey if GM can complain….). I phone Comcast again yesterday, much less I accommodating at this point, I informed the rep that unless the package had been sent from Turkmenistan, it should have arrived long ago. I’ll give her some credit; she chuckled (probably thinking I was talking about Alabama). She checked on my order and informed me that only half of the order had been completed and remote had never left the Middle East at all. Argggghhh! I was then placed on hold, ostensibly so she could complete said order. After twenty or so minutes (her nails had dried sufficiently enough to handle phone), she came back on the line to inform me that my area was not eligible for shipping service. What the hell? Is Delphi the land the cable gods forgot? No internet, no DVR, no phone service, no general office, etc. I then, in my most pleading voice, asked the woman if there was any way I might pick up a remote from the Lafayette office since it is nearest to my residence. She replied, with a tone of disdain I am sure she normally reserves for kiddy porn solicitors, that this was impossible as the Lafayette office was not in my “group”. I hung up at this point, no point risking criminal charges. I felt helpless and violated. So if anyone has an extra remote or is willing to engage in acts of corporate sabotage, please feel free to contact me.