Monday, October 19, 2009

Where to go from here?

The plague has arrived. My oldest boy was sent home Friday with a fever, (it lasted the entire weekend), and today my four year-old spiked at 103.8. At this point I called the insurance sponsored Nursewise to request sound advice. As I am answering questions regarding his last urination, how well he ate lunch, and his energy level, I realized what a privilege it has been to be a stay-at-home mom. I was able to answer those questions like I wrote em myself. As James’s school career looms on the horizon, I have been forced to contemplate workforce reentry. How will I be able to translate a useless liberal arts degree and five years of parenting into viable career skills, and what sort of profession would be best suited to my experience and knowledge? Well, my friends, I have found the answer! Herewith you shall find my letter of introduction/resume to the United Nations Security Counsel.

Jennifer Wilson
Smalltown, IN. USA
BA, Purdue University

I am writing to express my interest in your position as a security advisor. I feel that my skills as a stay-at-home mom would be an asset to your organization. My interest in international affairs is paralleled only by my desire for world peace despite the belligerent nature of man. Listed below you will find my applicable qualifications for the placement in question.

During the last five years, I have routinely been called upon to settle the disputes of two opposing parties. I have impartially divided hot wheel cars, cookies, and computer sessions. These decisions were often made under extreme duress and resulted in the salvation of both parties’ stature and world view.

Supply Manager
Keeping in mind that many conflicts are a result of the gross economic disparity between the haves and have-nots, I feel it is imperative that I mention my experience as a product facilitator. I have been able to supply my household with its necessary goods through a combination of savvy coupon clipping and observation of sales trends.

Disarmament Specialist
I have routinely been called into disputes regarding potentially lethal weaponry. I have always managed to procure a resolution with a minimal amount of blood shed. It is a matter of personal pride that I have managed to persuade all antagonists to surrender their weapons with a minimal amount of sanctions.

Sanctions Monitor
Your organization is world-renown for its ability to detect a nation’s maturity, and thereby use that perceived maturity to issue permissions regarding funds and accessibility to technology. I too, am a firm believer in such restrictions. I have routinely defended my standpoint to decidedly hostile insurgents. I am adept at setting and maintaining boundaries for my charges, while insuring, through careful scrutiny and diligence, that said parties adhere to said restrictions. This includes, but is not limited to: street crossing privileges, internet browsing clearance, traveling permissions, and financial support.

I appreciation your consideration of my application, and I hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience.


Jennifer Wilson


  1. Let's certify The UN "officially nuts", if they ignore your application...come on, with THOSE skills, how can they! ;-)

    Really enjoyed reading the creative job application.

  2. You may have convinced this reader that stay-at-home-parent is the ONLY valid training for that job.

  3. OMG, I just laughed out loud. I would totally hire you if I was in charge at the UN!!

  4. Kaotic: If comcast can ignore me so flagrantly, I expect no less from the UN (as should any so-call developing nation, don't get me started on the IMF and the World Bank).
    Will: Glad I have convinced someone of my potential usefullness.
    Candace: When you become in charge of such things, feel free to look me up.