Sunday, August 9, 2009

On Camping

My family has recently acquired something new in the realm of camping equipment. That being said, I think now is a fine time to review our family's first big camping trip.
Day One:
It all began with a hurried rush to Walmart. Sleeping bags were selected, chairs were bought, air mattress purchase unwisely vetoed by yours truly. Then home to mobilize three children ages: 4, 9, and 11, two dogs (one big, one small), one man, and one obsessive-compulsive packer. Lucky me, I am set to travel with the two boys and the dogs. Large dog is left out of his kennel as I naively told hubby that he would be fine. Little did I know, said hubby would be taking the route that god forgot in order to reach the destined campsite. It was so rural that they blocked off a portion of the road for twenty minutes so that the cows could come home. I kid you not. There are pictures. This road is bumpy and winding. These conditions are exacerbated by my husband's desire to travel at what feels like an unreasonable speed for the mini-van (he leads in unburdened manly truck of course). Next thing I know, I have an 80+ pound dog vomiting repeatedly onto the van’s carpeting. I phone Aaron, screeching like a shrew, and order him to pull over. I place dog in kennel where he proceeds to continue vomiting. Who packs cleaning supplies on a camping trip? I had to scrub that stuff up with shampoo and water (I threw that wash cloth in the fire after). The evening went well until it dawned on me that camping in a former quarry leads to a rocky bed…In addition, there were several drunken rednecks who insisted on whooping it up anytime Sally Jane flashed her blessed breasts. At least we assumed that is what they were doing.

Day Two:
We had some fun hiking while scratching our mosquito bites. Went to Wal-Mart and bought an air mattress. Two hours after lying down on over-priced rubber mattress, it began to deflate. The rocks presented themselves anew with a fury. Woke up about seven to the sound of large dog lapping up something in the kennel. We assumed rain. Twas not the case. Apparently, I had not given him enough potty time the night before, and he had relieved himself and was trying to clean up the evidence. Breakfast, then packing, then home, then unpacking.
Finally we left for Lafayette to perform our weekly grocery shopping. Exhausted, and hungry on the way home, we stopped at Arby’s to eat. Later that night, as I was preparing my coffee for the next morning, I noticed something was missing. We had been so tired that we neglected to carry in any of our groceries.
I am looking forward to the next trip, along with a hefty dose of xanex and off!


  1. Now, that really does sound like a camping trip. If it was all slick and polished, it would not been the same I suppose.:-)I think the deadly combination of "exhilaration" and "bone-tired" is a high in its own way. Of course, that means you leave the grocery behind too! :D

    Btw, if you don't mind simple doses of poetry and short stories, check out's me too!

  2. I never mind simple doses of anything. I love to read, but must warn you, I do so simply for the pleasure of doing so. If I read poetry, I have no wish to intellectualize verb usage and so on. I will give it a look, but as I am a poetry novice, I will refrain from embarrassing myself with commentary. Thank you for your cleverness. If you are ever in Indiana (God forbid) I would love to set you up with a good matrimonial want ad. I hear brown is in these days (those wheat colored folks are on the outs)!

  3. Look at what you've gone and done...I'm smiling at my computer now(the eternal love affair with the laptop screen continues).

    Oh,and thank you. Also,we're on track here, as all that poetry and prose is simply for pleasure. Rubbish, you won't embarrass yourself with commentary,so feel free to leave one should something move you to make one. :-)

  4. I did check out the site. Lovely. You are a talented writer. I have never written poetry (barring a few short ditties in primary school, nothing worth mentioning here ah-hem). I love the pictures by the way. Perhaps I could smuggle myself into India via fedex. I have heard that it has been done.